Grigory Sokolov at La Fenice, Venice (April 2013)

When Rob and I went to Venice in April we decided to try and recreate the joy of seeing a classical piece of music in a fabulous traditional theatre like we'd done in Prague when we saw Mozart's Magic Flute performed in the State Opera House. In Prague we had shared our box with a group of horrific Americans- the mother and her friend were fine, they enjoyed it oohing and ahing quietly while the teenage daughter shifted and texted and Dad, no better, got up the moment the singers took their bows and said gruffly "Well you can cross that off your list, an Opera in Prague," what a dickhead, the wife should have punched his pus…

WELL, we sort of had the opposite problem in Venice! The only concert I could find at that time of year was a piano concert in the magnificent Fenice (Phoenix Theatre- so named because they rebuilt it after it burned down in the 70s) The guy playing was a famous Russian pianist, I hadn't been to any piano concerts before but thought, well, if he's famous he'll maybe bash out some famous pieces that we can enjoy before we go to dinner! (Italy is all about going to dinner) The boxes in Prague sat 6 people, the ones in Venice were more intimate, we were sharing our box with a very well-to-do older couple obviously from the Venice Set, they probably went to music concerts every month, it was probably their thing. 

I sat and listened and enjoyed the music for 40 minutes before I totally zoned out, then came the interval. "Don't worry," I assured Rob, "second acts are always shorter than the first." He too had zoned and as it was now ten past nine we were getting a bit peckish, we'd probably be out by ten.

At half ten we were starving and after not recognising any of the music and we said afterwards that the pieces he played probably displayed great skill and that's why he was famous and skilled but when you come down to it, as we were just the common man, to us the music was instantly forgettable and we would have preferred some good tunes. There was about three minutes in the first act I remember that was nice.
Anyway, at half ten he took his bows, thank god, we were starving! Thank god the restaurant we'd chosen was only a second away next door! thank god!
He then proceeded to play SIX encores. The couple we shared the box with clapped and stood up and were so utterly thrilled by number four that the chap was turning round to us and holding up four fingers in delight, "Four! Four!" he said in amazement. "Yes!" We said through gritted teeth.
We couldn't leave. We were so hungry and so bored and yet we couldn't leave. What if the couple we were sharing the box with came into the same restaurant we had run to to see us scoffing big plates of squid ink pasta and Venice veal? They'd think we were awful uncultured pigs! We had to stay. After the sixth encore it was eleven o'clock. We left calmly but managed to eat three courses, drink massive amounts of wine and have coffee within an hour. It was a good meal.

Rufus Wainwright, Lyceum

Rufus Wainwright's new album Out of the Game came out and I went with Alison (not a fan but a last minute replacement for poorly Anna) to see him play at the Lyceum in April. He was wonderous. I love- LOVE- Rufus Wainwright. He's the only musician I think I actually like, I like sad songs and I like poetry and I like sarcastic beautiful gay lads. I had never seen him live before, other than when we saw his opera and he just came on at the end and said thanks, he played the entirety of the album and a lot of favourites, he did three encores including bringing his sister Martha out and making her sing! Bonus! it was ace, I loved it and Alison got her book signed by Mark Gatiss who was sitting in front of us, I think that was the highlight for her, that and Sheekys afterwards.

That Thing You Do (1996)

Tom Hanks directs a boy who looks sort of like how he used to. Like Robert Redford directing Brad Pitt, except Brad Pitt is really good and where is this boy now? Colin Hanks on the other hand, who I noticed had an non-speaking role as Liv Tyler's escort and screen time of two seconds, has done some ok comedy films and was in series two of Mad Men, he's probably more likely to be his father's protégé, but still, do we really need a new Tom Hanks?

I saw this film when it came out and now I've rewatched it 15 years later, it was nothing special. But you know, I do like that song. I downloaded that song about five years ago after hearing it used over a montage in an episode of Third Rock from the Sun (Dick, Mary and Strudwick bunk off school and go go-carting etc. Those episodes with Strudwick were the best!!)

They play the song fully about six times during the film.

Imagine how awful the film would have been if the song had been shit! The song makes the film. It's an ok film, apart from the last three seconds, which is the hotel porter grinning knowingly at the camera. What the fuck!?

Nine minutes in. Absolutely brilliant.

Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2010

I'll whiz through these because (on a Toby Stephens kick) Anna and I are off to London for the day tomorrow to see Danton's Death at the Nation Theatre. Last week I saw five Fringe shows, they were all good, but very different, which is what you want when you're seeing five shows in three days! First up was Flanders and Swann tribute act Flanders and Swann. They managed to cram about fifteen classic songs into an hour and a lot of good and sweaty banter too- man, it was hot in that sauna. In the evening I saw my pals DBS Productions do their sketch show A Brief History of Scotland, We Done Loads, for what seemed like the tenth time, but is probably around the eighth. It was the best I've ever seen though, some hot new actors in their company and some excellent new scenes to accompany that talent!

Jimeoin was a standup I'd never seen before- always a gamble seeing someone you don't know- especially on your birthday- but he was great, dry and Irish, just what you want. The next day however I went back to stand-ups that I know I like and saw a legendary recording of internet-podcast AIOTM (aiotm!), Richard Herring is one of my faves, all three podcasts I listen to star him. It was weird being able to see him as well as hear him (small, in't he?). Enjoyed the rest of the gang too, TV's Emma Kennedy, Christian Riley (great song about Scottish girls) and favourite Dan Tetsell, oh, and both Andrew Collins and Tiny Andrew Collins.

In fact I was thrilled later when on the way to see favourite stand-up Jon Richardson do his current show Don't Happy, Be Worry, I saw Andrew Collins again just standing having a drink "Andrew Collins! Film Editor of the Radio Times! That's my favourite publication!!"

Jon's show was fantastic, he never disappoints. I'm glad he's on his way up, I've seen his last four Fringe shows, I miss his podcasts. He's a very clever and mildly-angry young man.

Glandular Fever roundup: Nowhere Boy, Avatar, Sunshine Cleaning, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

I have seen a bunch of films this week because I am ill. All films that I have wanted to see, some for a while, some that have just come out. I can't be doing with reviewing each separately so here is a roundup. The list: Sunshine Cleaning(2009), Nowhere Boy(2009), Avatar(2009), Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist(2008).

I'll say straight off that I enjoyed them all, except Avatar which was the biggest pile of crap I've ever seen and I knew that it would be (my dad made me watch it, it wasn't on my list). Yes the CGI is amazing and it looks beautiful and I'm sure on the big screen and in 3D it was an experience. But it is still a film about a self-righteous American who befriends the natives and leads them into a mindless war where even though they win they have millions more fatalities than the enemy. Self congratulatory American drivel.

Nowhere Boy was about John Lennon's teenage years and I was worried (as a Beatles expert) that I wouldn't like it, the casting or whatever. But no, I really did like it, and I felt very emotional watching it, especially that bit at the end where Paul and John have a punch at each other and then start crying because both of them have just lost their mums. Of course, that is what kept these two vastly different geniuses together all those years, but I never really thought about it, and it made me terribly sad! Maybe it was just the glandular fever! I thought the casting was great, though not keen on George- he was a much prettier boy than that- Paul as played by that ugly kid from Love Actually was actually quite a good choice and of course the boy playing Lennon was sometimes exactly like him and then sometimes stunningly gorgeous! As per usual with these British films, excellent ensemble, Kristin Scott-Thomas and Anne-Marie Duff gave brilliant performances and David Morrissey in the background was good solid support.

Sunshine Cleaning I liked too, the two gals were good and Alan Arkin never disappoints, very real but with surprising moments of subtle hilarity considering the subject matter! Could have done without the weird Emily Blunt/Lesbian not-relationship though, I didn't think that added anything.

I watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist with my dad and we both liked it- and he is the kind of person who thinks American Pie is a good coming-of-age teen comedy! I thought it was very well written, I liked that it all took place over one night, that made it different from the other Indie teen movies out there- that probably also star Michael Cera. She was really lovely though and all I could think was she could do much better than him!

Spike Milligan's Adolf Hitler: My Part in his Downfall (Cambridge Arts Theatre)

Gone a bit play-mad lately, and it promises to continue when I go to America on tuesday, I've got tickets for three plays and one opera and no doubt I'll get carried away and review the Empire State Building or something... I didn't go up it last time, went up the Rockefeller and got a nice view of the ESB, Kim's apartment apparently looks out onto the ESB, man, I'm excited.

Anyway, Andy and I went to see this nice adaptation of Spike's book the other night, the theatre was pretty empty (shame, people of Cambirdge suck) so half way through we managed to sneak closer than or ten quid tickets allowed and we got a great view.

It's a variety show under the guise of a WW2 variety show, chapters and stories from Spike's memoir about his time in the army are acted out by the five members of the cast and in between- and sometimes during- there are some brilliant jazz numbers as each of the cast plays numerous instruments and can all sing really REALLY well. (I am so turned on by talent.) Of course Spike Milligan was in a jazz band while he was in the army so I reckon it's pretty much an 100% accurate portrayal of the war in North Africa, right down to Hitler singing in his underpants.

There were lots of jokes about Anton Walbrook and the" bloody Warsaw Concerto!" which I was greatly amused by- I particularly liked when the pianist played the concerto and the Nazis and Tommys argued and pushed the piano away, neither wanting anything to do with the awful rot. The boy playing Spike was appropriately mad, the madness of war and the madness of Spike Milligan seemed to come naturally to him, all the cast was excellent.

It was a great play, funny and really cleverly staged, I still felt sad afterwards though, Spike's mental health issues are played out quite seriously and, you know- it's the war. I then dreamt that I was in a one-man show that I'd written about the Holocaust. It was not funny.

Prima Donna (Opera- Manchester International Festival)

Anna and I went to see Rufus Wainwright's debut opera Prima Donna on Sunday, it was the second performance, after opening on Friday night with Rufus sitting in the audience dressed like Verdi and his boyfriend dressed like Puccini.

On Sunday Rufus was dressed like some kind of tramp. The top half was a bit like Jonathan Pryce in the film The Doctor and the Devils a mediocre Burke and Hare flick. big hobo beard, top hat with fly-fishing trunklements on the side, tweed jacket over a gross shirt, pale jeans and roman sandals. He was outside the theatre when we arrived signing autographs etc. it was possibly the highlight of the show.

twelve quid seats with restricted legroom, ah, my favourite. Though actually the legroom was a lot better than I remembered- many moons ago we saw Tommy Steele in Scrooge one Christmas, coincidentally he'll be reprising that role this panto season!- no the seats were good seats, nice view, enough legoom that we only got cramp a couple of times, yeah, fine, it was only the audience around us that were intolerable. I had a loud-eater next to me, it sounded like he was eating in my ear- shudder- Anna had three miserable gay lads who looked thouroughly disappointed throughout, and in front of us was the pièce de résistance; OCD man with theatre-shawl.

The opera we felt could do with a bit more work. Anna insists there were a few good "numbers" and I felt sure when we watched the Imagine special on BBC1 last week that there were some lovely melodies, but I only remember really enjoying the music at one point and that was near the end. I know that opera is obvious written to be performed, to be seen live, but I really thought I'd enjoy it a lot more listening to a recording in the dark. Other noises distracted me, the guy on my left for instance, but creaking sets and people coughing are never good while trying to enjoy classical music. I also found the subtitles very intrusive.

We tried to explain to mother that in the last twenty years- since technology was invented- ALL operas are subtitled (in big theatres), so it was to be expected. But really the French they were singing in was very basic so I knew what they were saying (and the story was self-explanitory anway), and with the subtitles there before the words were sung I found myself predicting the next words instead of listening to the music!! So that was very stupid. Apart from that though I didn't like the big stark set, come on think of something more original than that! The costumes were ok, but did it have to be set in the 70s? Why couldn't it be set anytime? Little bits of staging were clever, but it was only when all five characters were on the stage that it didn't look empty!

And now to the story: predictable, it's like Sunset Boulevard excpet she's not as mental, journalist comes in to interview fading opera star, she falls in love with him, the end.

I don't feel I know enough about opera to say whether the actors were good or not, they all did well- though sometimes couldn't be heard over the music (the orchestra was great by the way!)- but after watching Imagine, and being a fan of Rufus Wainwright for a long time, I have a feeling I would have much prefered listening to or watching him sing the complete score.

Uptown Girl video- Comic Relief (2001)

Tonight I stayed up and watched a documentary about Comic Relief, which I might add I never miss, no matter how depressing. It was a good little documentary but when they came to talk about the charity singles I was slightly irritated that McFly could name all the "stars" in their charity video (last year's was it?) except fabulous actor Ben Miles. Yes they remembered Fern Cotton, Graham Norton and Davina McCall, but not him. This of course made me want to watch the Westlife video which I absolutely LOVE depsite Billy Joel's Uptown Girl being one of those songs that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, etc. type of songs and Westlife's vocals being mediocre. Yes, I remember waiting for that video to come on the tv eight years ago, because even as a fifteen year old I hated Westlife's blob-type boyish looks and was absolutely in love with every one of those Uptown Boys...

And yet still, like McFly, people don't know who the hell those actors are! Do you think Westlife can name any of them?! "uh.. Hornblower was there, I think." Gah! I'm sorry blog readers, I haven't watched anything in a couple of days so I feel guilty that I haven't reviewed anything, and now I'm not reviewing, I'm just ranting.

James Wilby- before he went red, yes, gorgeous.

Rob Bathurst- Christ, he's just perfection.

Tim McInnerny- Yeah, him again, and if you're interested in seeing him and his obscenely long neck in any other music videos see Kate Bush's This Woman's Work. You will cry.

Crispin Bonham-Carter- Helena's cousin, stared in the Colin Firth Pride & Prejudice, anyone?

And Hornblower; Ioan Gruffudd. Ok, so I don't fancy him or Crispin that much, but I'd take them any day over pukey, pre-pubescent, gayers Westlife!

When I watch that video I still have a hard time deciding which one I would choose if I was Claudia Schiffer, I mean, obviously in the video the story is that she's just so overcome by handsome British actors that she has some kind of stroke and goes mental and then leaves with Irish boyband Westlife. I supose it would be James Wilby or Rob, Wilby is very pretty in that video but Rob is very manly with that cigar... Oh God, what's wrong with me!? What's always been wrong with me?! Who am I kidding, they might be more handsome and Ioan and Crispin are very young and cute in their own ways- ways that I'm not really attracted to (Crispin actually reminds me of David Tennant in the video) but it's obvious, I'd go for Tim! When I was fifteen I was watching it for Tim! What is it about sliminess that I like?!

I'm sure I will review something properly (ha ha) tomorrow- even if it is just my haircut, and I have good news for you, fans of Nicholas le Prevost and Jonathan Pryce- me. Well, they have a Radio4 series starting in a week and a bit and I am SO super excited I cannot even express in words, only a high-pitched scream. Watch this space.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1utpy_westlife-uptown-girl_music

Click there for a better quality video than you might find on youtube. Maybe you too will find how difficult it is to choose. Please vote in my poll, this means you, Su(s/z)ies!