Great Expectations (BBC2)

It started off well, Young Pip and Magwich and the Fens were all perfect. I've never seen the setting done so well before, well done whoever was in charge of location! Miss Havisham was good too, gross and creepy and weak, really weak, I've seen her played strong too many times and of couse she isn't at all, she's a nut.
Then suddenly Pip grew up and was played not by a normal lad like the lad who played him as a child but by a Robin Hood/Merlin boy-bander with a face that was completely out of the wrong period.
Twenty five years ago the British leads were Anthony Andrews and Nigel Havers types, the guy playing Herbert Pocket, Harry Lloyd would have been cast as the lead not as the bumbling best friend! He was thin and charming and British looking, whereas the boy playing Pip in this Christmas' BBC drama looked like a gay Egyptian.
I mean why go the whole hog on everything else then totally miscast the lead? Everyone else was good! A good British character actor everywhere you looked and Justin Fucking Bieber standing in the middle of it all!
Anyway, they rushed it all, it should have been over four episodes.
And what the hell? Why was there a happy ending?! He's supposed to realise Estella is a bitch! Not live happily ever after with her! Ugh!! Crap.

Hattie (BBC4)

Robert Bathurst was so good in this. I know he does a lot of theatre- though not enough in the West End- and he's always working in bits of TV and radio- he turned up in Downton Abbey as Lord Boring-middle-aged-suitor-to-ugly-sister (I think that was his character's name), but I've always thought he's so overlooked! Really he was phenomenally good as broken-hearted John le Mesurier in this BBC drama. He was the star of the show, I felt so awful for him, and almost instantly took back what I said as it started ("Rob's a bit miscast.") He was wonderfully tragic and charming.
He was the best of the Uptown Boys!! The most handsome!! And see! See!! He's the best actor too!!

Small Island (2009)

I finally got round to watching this series last night with Anna. I watched half of the first episode when it was on but gave up after Ruth Wilson was dancing about in the air raid, I tried to remember why I stopped watching it, because really it was ok. I think I stopped because it was on the week that the Cambridge boiler was broken and it was just too cold to sit in the living room and watch it!

Anyway, funny that I should review this today as yesterday my pal Susie reviewed the book on her blog! She totally slated it! And it's all true, but as a 3 hour drama it was much better I reckon, for a start there are some fabulous shots of Jamaica and the rest of the art direction was fab too, it looked great! Then there's Naomie Harris and David Oyelowo both brilliant, they were why I enjoyed it. Ruth wasn't great and I'm usually a fan but she just wasn't right for the boring part and I didn't think her accent was up to much- it seemed a waste of Cumberbatch too but the guy playing his shellshocked father was good.

Anyway, like Susie said, the story was nothing special but I thought the two leads were very good- especially Naomie- and it made me want to go to Jamaica.

HR, Series Two (Monday mornings BBC Radio4)

I say he has been providing it ever since, but in the second series of Nigel Williams' radio comedy HR Nick le Prevost is sort of the straight-man, well, gay, but still the straighter-ish-man to Jonathan Pryce's insane Peter.

I found out about this second series earlier in the month, I am now friends with Nigel Williams. Tell that to the me who eighteen months ago reviewed series one and praised his writing, I'd have a field day. I did have a field day. I'm still there- in the field.

Anyway, no longer in the office, Peter and Sam are living together and still getting on each other's tits but still clearly meant to be. I adore how ridiculous this show is. But it's all startlingly real! That's what's most ridiculous, Peter- the character that Jonathan plays- is appalling, but he is my father! My dad would do and say all the appalling things Peter does and says. Fuck sake!

So far the two of them have lost a boiler and gained a dog. Next week I think they're going on holiday. You'll never be rid of me now, Nigel, I'm sending you my Christmas Special script!

Vexed (BBC1 Sundays)

So after Sherlock- which was really well done in every respect- comes another three episodes of something new from the BBC, why, it's Toby Stephens in a police comedy show!

Such lazy writing!! They never once go anywhere near a police station never mind another member of the force! Forget a backstory, these two are detectives on a case, you got it? And look here's Rory Kinnear doing what he does best, eating eggs.

The jokes are offensive and not very funny but there are lots of them and somehow, maybe it's Tobes' charm, it's really quite enjoyable! It's because it doesn't switch, the writers have decided it is half-arsed, and it's consistently half-arsed, there's no sudden plot, it is just cheap and funny shite. Great stuff.

Matt Smith in Doctor Who (BBC 1)

I know the rest of the world was all sobbing because David Tennant's "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Doctor was dead, but I was gung-ho for Matt Smith's Doc as soon as they announced him- well, half an hour before they announced him actually, when sitting around the dinner table with the family wondering who it would be, "J.J. Field perhaps?" my sister hoped, "Imagine if it was Lankenstein!" Said I.

Well, it was Lankenstein.

You see, my sister manages to fall in love with up-and-coming actors after seeing them in a local play or hearing them on the radio reading Book of the Week. We went all the way to Edinburgh to see David Tennant who had previously been seen as the creepy vicar in He Knew He Was Right and NOTHING ELSE in a play because Anna fancied him. Then he became world famous as Doctor Who and everyone loves him. Matt Smith Anna saw in Cast B of the History Boys original tour (he was Lockwood) and then heard him read God's Own Country on Radio 4 where he played a psycho-rapist who was fond of Heartbeat and had the unfortunate nickname of Lankenstein. Anna laughed at my flip prediction, she secretly hoped that Lankenstein (Matt Smith to you) would never become famous and she could marry him, so when he appeared it was shock, thrills and horror... Lankenstein was no longer hers, he was to be the nation's favourite alien. The Doctor.

And on Saturday we saw his debut episode. I thought he was bloody good. Instantly engaging, and throughout he was in no way cringy or sentimental- makes a change- well done, all memories of Tennant are erased, Lankenstein, you are The Doctor.

It was time for a young Doctor. Doctor Who is aimed at a young audience- get a life 40 year old sci-fi fans, this is obviously a kids show- Tennant had to go, It was good when he started, really good, because he was relatively young and he had Rose and Martha; twenty somethings that the audience could relate to. His final series with Catherine Tate lost it for me and I'll tell you why, kids don't want to watch two 40 year olds having adventures. Matt Smith and his young sidekick are exactly what the show needs, leads that the target audience want to be friends with.

Problem though (not for me, I loved all of it): Americans don't get Scottish accents. She's lovely and feisty and all but Doctor Who might just have lost it's American following. And another thing Americans like; shmaltz, Tennant was good but sometimes there was too much of that embarrassing sentimentality, *shudder* So American! Of course this was not just Tennant's doing, it was Russell T. Davis, now that he's gone we will have good well-written scary episodes of science fiction. I really look forward to watching the rest of the series.

Robin Hood (BBC1) Series 3 Episode 13:Something Worth Fighting For pt2

Surely they can't commission another series. Surely.

So Allan died horrifically last week after no one believed in him- he managed to do an actual convincing bit of fighting beforehand though which prompted me to say "Ooh, when Robin leaves Allan should take over, at least he can fight!" Well, Allan died, the Sheriff killed him. Bastard!!! Allan was the best one!! Especially since Guy turned into a big sissy and essentially the comic relief ("Where do I sleep?" "Where's my horse gone?" etc.)

So this week my money was on Guy and Much for the chop- How the FUCK is Much still alive?!

Yeah, Guy died- undramatically, predictably saving Robin, with terribly dialogue and bad filming (hello, he's the best looking cast member, give him a good death scene, let's not be staring up his nose while he croaks.) Meanwhile; "I'm Isabella! I saw this in a play! Take that from a poisoned blade!!" Robin got cut a la Hamlet and died after first saving everyone and blowing up Nottingham CGI Castle along with The Sheriff, that hoarse black guy and Isabella, boo hoo.

In comes the ghost of Maid Marian and she and Robin dance off into the distance, ah, how sweet- they then pan back to Robin's body which twitches enough to scare the 8 year-old audience out of their wits. One or the other BBC!! Romanticized death, floating off rejoining loved ones, or agonizing twitching reality- Not both!!!

They could have done so much with it. I mean, every episode in all three series has been awful, so I suppose it's no surprise. But FIVE major characters died! And none of them died dramatically! Two got blown up, Guy was just forgotten about, Allan was at least given a funeral (though how the Outlaws had time for this I don't know, they were supposed to be under attack by a huge army) and yet again writers of a Robin Hood story missed the most famous part of his legend!!!

While dying Robin Hood took up his bow one last time and said to his merry men: "Wherever this arrow lands you must bury me..."

So they buried him on top of the wardrobe.

Robin Hood (BBC1) Series 3 Episode 5: Do you Love Me?

This episode would have been perfection, television gold, if only they hadn't kept cutting back to Robin and the outlaws- yawn!

I didn't watch the first two series of Robin Hood, because it's awful. I'm sorry but tall dark handsome "northerner" Richard Armitage did not outweigh all the awful elements of the show, ie the plots, the budget and the main characters.

But now that I live at home with three people who do watch it I watch it too. I have been waiting for Toby Stephens to arrive hoping that he would improve it because even if my mum can somehow filter out the crap and just see Richard Armitage and even if Anna can enjoy Alan and Much I just CAN'T. Well, sometimes Much and Alan are ok...

This episode was pretty much gold from start to finish, Richard Armitage thrashing about on his bed with no shirt on, having a nightmare (probably about Marian, at least he remembers her) he is dragged by Toby Stephens' goons to see Prince John. Ah, what a catchphrase "Do you love me?"

Yes, it's totally gay and if you're not into that then at least it's hilarious. Every scene Tobes was in was brilliant. He was creepy and campy, he was charming and ridiculous, echoes of I am but a child, He's fab. And then scenes between Guy and the Sheriff were brilliant too! Actual proper fight scenes- still ridiculous of course- but at least they were all being evil!

The outlaws themselves are pathetic, they don't seem to have a brain cell between them, it must be down to luck that they keep outsmarting the bad guys. And there are no good female characters. I'm not keen on Isabella, she's rubbish, but I suppose that's because she's one of the good guys snore, boring. So apart from her being there those scenes with P.J, Guy and the Sheriff, they were the best bits of Robin Hood ever. I am looking forward to next week mightily because even though I said his scenes were good this week I can't stand Keith Allen either.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00k4g5j/Robin_Hood_Series_3_Do_You_Love_Me/

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall (1996)

After Our Mutual Friend (1998), Wildfell is my favourite BBC literary period drama of recent-ish years.

We hadn't watched it for a couple of years, since Linn and Suzie came to stay (yes Linn, this is the one you have no memory of watching even though Suzie, Suzie the girl with no memory, remembers it all perfectly. We had pizzas... Remember?!) but we watched it all again last night because Anna is reading through the Brontës' work.

Ah, Toby Stephens; Mr Markham the educated farmer in Anne's Wildfell Hall, Mr Rochester in Charlotte's Jane Eyre, if only he had been cast as Heathcliff in Emily's Wuthering Heights he'd have the whole set. And what a Heathcliff he would have made!! Much more convincingly rugged than Tom Hardy (though maybe not more dangerous, no one's more dangerous that Tom Hardy!) If you're unlucky enough to live in America you might have seen Tom Hardy as Heathcliff in this year's attempt at Wuthering Heights. It hasn't been shown on British telly yet but I've seen it and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Sure the costumes are on the Robin Hood side of good, and the wigs are equally terrible, but it was the most faithful adaptation I'd ever seen and Tom Hardy has the perfect voice for Heathcliff. Why the hell did they have to change the ending though?!

Anyway, enough of that, back to Wildfell. Again the ending has been changed- they always are- but I think for the better, it's still the same twist, just happening to different people. If you're looking for good faithful adaptations then look to the BBC, Hollywood does it badly. The only think I get a bit pinickity about when it comes to Brontë novels on screen is location. This is another thing I was pleasantly surprised at in the ITV Wuthering Heights (2009), they actually filmed The Moors, on The Moors! Not the North York Moors where craggy rocks cover every bit of open land, but the actual Brontë West Yorkshire moors where I live! Where the Brontës lived!! Yeah, Wildfell falls down when you see people staggering over white rocks that just don't exist here. Same with Jane Eyre if I recall, maybe North Yorkshire is cheaper...

Right, back to what I know about, reviewing the actors' good looks: Toby Stephens here looks a hundred times better than he did in The Camomile Lawn (1994) two years earlier, Tara Fitzgerald looks the same as when she was in The Camomile Lawn, I bet she couldn't believe her eyes seeing young Tobes stride up to her all suddenly handsome! Though he is still not Rochester-handsome ("Look at me, Jane, I'm so unbelievably hideous!" smoulder). Go and see Ibsen's A Doll's House in the West End at the moment to see Tara and Tobes both looking fabulous, except it's all sold out, so you can't, or rather, I can't.

Rupert Graves, Rupert Graves, if one Uptown Boy was missing from my favourite Westlife video, it's you Gravesy. You'd have fit in a treat with those handsome twits and you'd have got my vote. Yes, the reason I love Wildfell is because I love Gravesy. I still love Gravesy even though, let's face it, unlike Tara and Toby he seemed to be at his gorgeous peak back in 1996. As Huntingdon he is a horrible creepy bastard, the kind I love, Tobes is all sweetness and light holding puppy dogs and being lovely, Gravesy treats the viewers to the most disgustingly graphic kisses EVER on TV, he makes your flesh crawl but damn is he charming!

The dialogue is all straight from the novel, Gravesy getting all the best lines. Even though Anne wrote the book to show the perils of drinking and living it up- probably because of old Branwell, the hideous drunk of a brother, I still prefer Huntingdon to Markham, he seemed like a right laugh. Though I suppose if I was somewhere in the novel I wouldn't be goody-two-shoes Helen the abstainer, I would be that fat tart who gets off with Gravesy all the time and dresses like a real dolly bird.

Margaret (Thursday BBC2)

My favourite tv series is 90s newsroom sitcom Drop the Dead Donkey written by Andy Hamilton and Guy Jenkin (now responsible for Outnumbered- which I also quite like, especially the sweet little girl). I want to say 'at last some faces to go along with the names!' but of course they are different (more handsome- in most cases) faces of actors rather than the actual Tory tosspots in Thatcher's 1990 cabinet. I begin to remember politics I'd say from 1994, and I know this because that's when I begin to get the current affairs jokes in DtDD (lucky too because the 1994 series of DtDD is by far the best series).

Margaret was over two hours of scheming Tory scum portrayed by some of my most favourite and most liberal theatre actors. Most perfectly cast I have to say, Oliver Cotton- who I have seen on stage before and who has walked past me in the National Theatre swishing his mane was quite obviously cast as Michael Heseltine purely on the basis of his amazing hair and eyebrows. Michael Maloney was extremely sinister as John Major though I was disappointed there was not a pair of Y-fronts in sight *nods to Steve Bell*. Was I really raving about how sweet and cute he was in Ken Bran's Hamlet? That guy is a seriously good actor, he was creepy as hell last night! One of the very best performances. 

There were times when I allowed myself to believe Lindsay Duncan was the harsh and ugly Iron Lady, mostly when the deep voice and mad steely gazes kicked in but most of the time I was thinking how cute and lovely she is and how she reminds me of my friend Alison (not when dressed as Thatcher I might add) I insisted a gross false nose would have done it but my sister informed me Linds "did not want to play a caricature". I think she did very well, she was cold and creepy- but she was still beautiful.

I'm hoping the BBC showed this to stop people voting Conservative in these desperate times. Come on Britain, surely we're not that desperate!! 

Watch online for the next 6 days http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00hy18h/Margaret/